Vampires Vs. The Bronx – An Honest Review 5/10

The title alone screams watch me! Vampires Vs. The Bronx is a pleasantly surprising entertaining movie surrounding 3 teenagers in the Bronx who are trying to protect the facilities in their local neighbourhood from their imminent takeover – but it’s not just the real estate industry they need to defend it from, a group of bloodthirsty vampires are looming in the shadows!

Local businesses are being bought out by the Murnau firm who are purchasing properties in the area ready for redevelopment. This group is looking to take over the Bronx and “spruce” it up with some totally irrelevant local stores that the residents can all but roll their eyes at. As more businesses are closing Miguel; also referred to as Little Mayor, is flyer-ing his way around the area to garner support as he tries to make sure that the local Bodega stays open. As missing person posters start to appear our locals start to question the sudden shift in clientele locally, with a young female who is new to the neighbourhood being accused of being lost! In fact, she just moved into the area. But why? …

In terms of character development, it appears that the only male role model for our friend group is Tony who owns the Bodega, with no other father figures in sight. I think Tony is probably my favourite character, as I like the idea that he is looking out for the little guys! This is something that is gently touched upon, as we learn that Bobby’s father was shot on the street, having been part of a crew who may have had some dodgy dealings! Something his mother does not want him to have anything to do with. A slightly older teenager is introduced as the only person who believes the conspiracies being churned out; after a brief encounter between our protagonists and a clan of vampires who, shock horror, are behind the Murnau property development company. Outside of this we know they like basketball, go to school together and are typical high school kids.

In order to take a deep dive into the sort of techniques they’re going to apply when vanquishing the enemy, the characters set about watching a classic vampire movie which covers all of the bases. Blade of course! Don’t forget to check out the first ever Ten Point Podcast episode which covers this movie thoroughly… So anyways, armed with their garlic, wooden stakes, holy water and crucifixes the team sets about putting the blood-sucking pests in their place. Although there are a few hiccups along the way, good prevails and of course the teens win in their fight against the monsters.

This film has some great lines in it, and fits well into the horror comedy genre. The young actors did a great job, although I was sad to see that a few of the big name draws weren’t really headliners when it came to the actual movie. Zoe Saldana’s two-minute appearance was a little disappointing! Whilst the story was intriguing and the movie fun to watch it wasn’t anything special and I’ve rated it as such. Possibly one of the more original storylines to come from a Netflix movie. Hope you enjoy!

A review by CB